Lies

Lies, how they consume you. They're addicting. You can't avoid them.

Ever since I was little I can remember lying. Small things to my parents like all young children do all the way up to huge misleading facts about my life. In middle school and even some of high school I had this whole alter-ego life made up. I made up a fake boyfriend (I'll save the name just for privacy reasons) who moved to Florida with his family, I remember adding that his mom passed away at one point. I claimed that these necklaces I wore that my mom bought for me were things that he would mail to me. I would say that he flew back from Florida for the holidays to see me. It was completely crazy. One day (I'm really not sure when) I realized just how crazy it was lying about all of this and though I could never come clean to the people that this lie touched because it was basically everyone in my life, I decided to drop it. To try not to talk about it any longer. I wanted to be a better person, not someone who lies. But here I am, twenty-one years old and I still CONSTANTLY lie. 

Today I lied and told my friends that my ex-boyfriend called me. He didn't. We haven't spoken since early March. Why why WHY do I do these things? There was literally no reason for me to make up this story today. I guess I just wanted attention? Who knows.

I lie for attention.

I lie to make my life seem more interesting.

I lie to get what I want.

I lie to make people feel bad for me.

I lie to make people jealous.

I lie and I hate myself for it. But I can't stop.

I want to and I've definitely gotten better but I just wish I would stop lying about stupid things that are so unnecessary.

"There is never such 'lying for good' there is only 'lying for your own good'".